Many people think that relationships are about compromise, so in relationships, when two people have differences, they will always choose to compromise and tolerate blindly. But can such a relationship really last long?
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Three years ago, my girlfriend and I were colleagues in a company.
Because of similar personalities and similar interests, we became lovers. Later, I resigned due to development issues and went to the other side of the city.
We each rented our own houses. We only had the opportunity to meet each other on weekends or holidays, and lived a life of being in a relationship in the same city but in a different place.
This way of getting along, although it is troublesome to meet, but it also leaves more personal space for each other.
I really like this half-sugar way of getting along, sweet but not cloying.
About half a year ago, when our relationship became closer and the issue of marriage was mentioned, my girlfriend proposed that she want to live with me. In fact, I wanted to refuse at the time.
Because I prefer to live alone, but seeing her looking forward to it, I followed her wishes and agreed.
One: Freedom is framed and the power of restraint
But after living together, our contradictions emerged one after another. When I was living there, I didn't usually cook much. I ordered takeout when I was hungry, cooked when I was in a good mood, and stopped washing dishes when I worked overtime at night.
But she has mysophobia and has to come back to clean every day. There should be no accumulation of dishes in the kitchen.
And she started to require me to take a shower and clean up every day. I didn’t want to quarrel with her over such trivial matters. I would go along with her every time, but I felt angry.
And I think even if they are in love, two people should have their own private space.
So I never look at her phone or mess with her computer, but she is different. She always feels that since we are together, there should be no secrets between the two of us. .
When she first asked to see my phone, I refused, but she said that if she didn’t have any trouble, why didn’t she dare to show it to her.
I thought at the time that I was just looking at my phone. Although I felt unhappy, I didn’t want her to argue with me online.
Two: Solve the problem with coaxing
But after the first time, there will be a second time, she After that, he checked my phone every now and then and even changed my password.
She didn’t tell me when she changed her password, because I always use my fingerprint to unlock and don’t usually use passwords.
As a result, once, when I was on a business trip and sent an email to my boss, I used the password to open it because I had water on my hands, but I found that the password was wrong.
So did we afterwardsIt ended in a quarrel, and although she apologized, it still made me feel even more disgusted with living together.
It was also because of this incident that our relationship fell to a freezing point. In the end, I was the one who tried to coax her, but I said I was wrong, but the loss and resentment in my heart became more and more serious.
After this time, our quarrels gradually increased. Every time I would coax her, but the more I coaxed her, the more uncomfortable I felt. I coaxed her back.
This time I was even more tired. Maybe she was aware of the problem between us. During the last quarrel, she proposed breaking up. At that moment, I felt relieved, more sad than sad. many.
I originally thought that loving her meant changing for her, but the accumulated resentment ruined the relationship.
In fact, there is no contradiction between being brave enough to be yourself and loving each other. Compromising and changing may not necessarily make you feel wronged. The key is how you want to handle the relationship between you.
Three: The balance of persistence and compromise
When dealing with relationships, communication is naturally indispensable, so before communication, Listen more to your true inner thoughts.
Understand what you really care about, and when you tell the other person, it is your inner world, rather than venting your resentment about something.
Conflicts cannot be avoided when falling in love, but having differences does not mean that you must be on opposite sides.
You are not here to attack each other, but to solve problems, so correcting your position and attitude is the key.
Perhaps in love, insisting on being yourself will inevitably bring about some contradictions and conflicts sometimes.
Blind compromise only brings temporary comfort. Bravely revealing your true self can help you understand each other better and make your relationship more lasting.
